Book Review: Give Of Yourself by Lee Widener

Give of Yourself: A Bizarro Christmas Tale by Lee Widener

My rating: 5 of 5 stars


Lee Widener has written a viciously funny Bizarro Christmas tale where the term "give of yourself"is taken literally and gift giving has become an extreme activity. In the near future, people give body parts and internal organs as gifts, hoping they will receive equal amounts back. Humans have been retrofitted with organ chambers so they can the replace the organs they gave away with the ones they received. The story is ghastly, hilariously, and sucker punch the face of Holiday consumerism. I loved it.



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Book Review - A Confederacy of Hot Dogs by Christoph Paul

A Confederacy of Hot Dogs by Christoph Paul

My rating: 5 of 5 stars


"A Confederacy of Hot Dogs" is easily Christoph Paul's funniest story to date. It tells the story of Phil LoPresti, a photographer, artist, and poet, who is the perfect mash-up of every "that guy" you have come across in Facebook groups. you know, the guy who bashes other artists while going on all caps rants about how much better he is than everyone else. However, Phil himself is a horrible artist. His art is so bad that it actually causes people to drop dead just by looking at it. Phil pretty much hates everything and everyone except his girlfriend Missy. Missy is a long-suffering, loyal partner who stands by Phil no matter what stupid thing he does. He especially hates the movie Nightbreed. LoPresti feels so strongly about Nightbreed that a profanity-laden rant about just how awful it is to him cause him to lose his job. "...Confederacy..." is a fast read. I finished it in under 2 hours. Parts of it were so funny that my wife had to check on me to make sure I was ok. It's imaginative, transgressive, and laugh out loud good.



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Book Review: The Lucky Ones Died First by Jack Bantry

The Lucky Ones Died First by Jack Bantry

My rating: 4 of 5 stars


"The Lucky Ones Died First" is a mad romp of a story about a Yeti terrifying the English countryside. It's one heckuva fun read involving Nazis, a yeti, a burned out ex-soldier who unfortunately has to deal with the yeti's unwelcome affection, a cuckolded mayor, potheads, and a large stash of Hitler's gold. The book is great. I got through it in two sittings. The final showdown between the monster and two of the book's characters is splatterpunk blood and gore at its finest. I would like to have seen other killings in the book be written in such an explicitly detailed manner. I would definitely have thrown in the 5th star if they had. If you like your murderous Bigfoot stories stories told with lots of humor and a double order of guts, this is what you have been waiting to read.

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Book Review: Deadly Lazer Explodathon by Vince Kramer

Deadly Lazer Explodathon by Vince Kramer

My rating: 5 of 5 stars


Sweet Lord, this is easily the most daffy, laugh-out-loud, super sexy space adventure that I have ever read. I can't compare this to Douglas Adam's work because even Douglas Adams didn't have Space ISIS, lazers, and Super Meth Hitler. That's a lot of things. The adventurers in this book come from different times in world history. There is a caveman named Derf, a Viking explorer, Frankenstein's monster, the actress who played the "Me So Horny"Vietnamese prostitute in Full Metal Jacket, a swinging British Butler from the 1990's, an insufferable Portland hipster from 2016, and a sheepish space robot. The characters have been gathered by a mysterious Dr. Y who fills them full of LSD and sets them on a journey to battle the maybe not so evil Space ISIS. Kramer has a way of defying the basic tenet of "show, don't tell"in his narrative that works so well. There is an elevator scene involving a freaked out Frankenstein's monster that leaves everything to the reader's imagination.This made the scene much more funny because I was in control of the details.

Between fighting Space ISIS, tripping on extraterrestrial magic mushrooms, and mercilessly teasing Guy the Portland Hipster, the characters make time to take part in orgies involving everyone, robot and monster included, except Guy who is forced to watch because no one wants to have sex with a Portland hipster.

Deadly Lazer Explodathon works on every level. It works as a parody of both Star Trek and Star Wars; as an explicit tale of drug fueled sex; and especially as a book whose title will send reviewers' spell checks into fits of squiggly red line rage. Great stuff.



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Book Review: Letter From Hell by Matt Shaw

Letter From Hell: A F*cked-Up Short Story by Matt Shaw

My rating: 5 of 5 stars

The short story, "Letter From Hell," consists only of a letter written by a 73 year old child killer Laurence Tope to the mother of the victim. it is a quick and brutal read from British horror author Matt Shaw. The letter is very reminiscent to the one written by real life murderer Albert Fish to the parents of his victim Grace Budd. Tope spills out all the details in his correspondence from the kidnapping to the eventual murder and consumption of the child's corpse. Shaw handles such a dark subject delicately, leaving the most gruesome details to the reader's imagination.

"Letter From Hell" is free to Amazon Kindle Unlimited subscribers and costs only 99 cents to everyone else. Check it out.

This review is also available on Amazon and Goodreads.



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Book Review: The Exorcist Sex Club by Kelly M. Hudson

The Exorcist Sex Club by Kelly M. Hudson

My rating: 2 of 5 stars


I'm sorry to say that I couldn't get into this story. Yes, there's lots of gore and lots of sex, but it's not interesting in any way, The story revolves around an underground sex club where clergy from all denominations and genders visit to have sex with humans of any age who have become possessed by demonic forces. It's a very original idea that falls far short of the mark due to the forced, repetitive narrative. It could have been so much better.



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Book Review: Like Jagged Teeth by Betty Rocksteady

Like Jagged Teeth by Betty Rocksteady

My rating: 5 of 5 stars


"Like Jagged Teeth" is unlike anything I have ever ready before. One one hand it is a stark and terrifying tale of a young woman trapped in an ever changing apartment with a grotesque and violent version of her beloved grandfather. on the other hand, it is a tale of redemption, deliverance from guilt, and the peace that comes from forgiving yourself,

Poppa's apartment is more than just a setting for the book's characters, it is, in its own way, a character in the story. It is a living, breathing thing of horror. The number of doors in the hallway change at random. The nightmares that live behind the doors change as well. The carpets, the walls, the furnishings all take on a hideous life of their own. Poppa's apartment is an abattoir, a slaughterhouse filled with horrific creatures like spiders who dine on gigantic maggots and shadows that seem to have a life of their own.

i read this entire novella in three hours. i was sucked into the story line and willingly held hostage all the way to the end. This is an amazing read.



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Book Review: Spider Bunny by Carlton Mellick III

Spider Bunny by Carlton Mellick III

My rating: 5 of 5 stars


On the surface, Spider Bunny is an amazingly well told horror novel about four friends trapped inside an 80's children's cereal commercial. In the macabre world, you have two choices. One. you eat Bunny Berry's cereal and earn a permanent seat at the kitchen table, trapped forever as a horrid 3D Claymation effigy of your human self. Two, Berry Bunny catches you and you become the cereal in the bowl the kids at the table beg to eat. There is a third choice, kill Berry Bunny, but you don't wait to do that, you really don't.
There's a whole lot more going on in this book than just a great, scary read. It also works as a cautionary tale for using television as an electronic babysitter. It works as a send up of rabid consumerism where all that matters is what you want, not what you have.
What really works for me, what hit me the hardest, is how the story is a metaphor for toxic relationships. The main protagonist, Pete, is so in love with his girlfriend he allows her to use him in so many horrible ways that it breaks him down and the real him is consumed by his partner that there is no trace of his former self.
Spider Bunny provides plenty of proof that Mellick III is still at the top of his game and shows no signs of letting up any time soon.



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Book Review: Party! Patio! by Andy Boring

Party! Patio! by Andy Boring

My rating: 4 of 5 stars


Party! Patio! is the sequel to Dick Swap, a short story about two friends who trade penises. At the end of Dick Swap, Keith was still missing his penis and Kevin went back to his luxurious penthouse in New York. In Party! Patio!, Keith shows up at Kevin's luxurious penthouse still missing his member and hungry for Applebees. Things are amiss in Kevin's penthouse, his wife in on the kitchen floor and doesn't move. Keith is fairly certain she is dead, but Kevin will not hear of it. Keith eventually finds his penis, but I won't tell you where and Kevin turns into a mean, unsanitary person who abuses Keith every chance he gets. Party! Patio! is at times hysterically funny, disgusting, and sad. It's the literary equivalent of a Wesley Willis song.



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Review: Dick Swap by Andy Boring

Dick Swap by Andy Boring

My rating: 4 of 5 stars


"Dick Swap" is a tender and moving tale of two friends, Keith and Kevin whose friendship is so strong they are willing to share their most intimate possessions to help each other out. By intimate possessions, I mean penises. Yes, penises. Keith and Kevin have detachable organs that they swap from time to time. Kevin's girlfriend, Joan, is 25 years older than him and has had 3 children and a lot of sex. Kevin's manhood is not large enough to satisfy Joan so Keith lets Kevin borrow his member because he is a good friend and frequently needs a ride because he's poor and can't afford a car. One morning, after a night of extreme rabble-rousing, Kevin wakes up to find Keith's penis has been stolen. The two friends set off on a cross-country adventure to find the missing member where they spend a tremendous amount of time getting drunk and assaulting each other.

"Dick Swap" is crazy. It is weird. It is one of the funniest short stories I have read in ages. It's also free.



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